It turns out that having 2 kids really close together is a really exhausting enterprise. As we get closer and closer to my due date, I feel like I'm becoming very aware of just how young Bruce is... which is exactly what I've feared. When it was just Matilda she always seemed to be growing up so fast. Everything was this huge step forward and she seemed "older" every month. Now that I have a Big Kid and a Little Kid, it's painfully obvious that Bruce is still very "little". Don't get me wrong - the kid is huge - but GAH! He doesn't have enough words and is learning what boundaries ARE, let alone how to stay IN them. He's curious and mischievous and wonderful, but mostly he's EXHAUSTING. My doctor laughed at my last appointment and said that it's no wonder I have contractions all the time. How could I NOT??? They say that no 2 kids are alike and it's true. Matilda loved to play, but she also loved sit and to read. Bruce loves books, especially ones that are easy to throw. Yes, Bruce *loves* to throw things - anything, really. He's also an excellent climber and it's not unheard of for me to discover him sitting on the table or hanging onto the side of the counter desperately trying to pull himself up. It's basically terrifying.
Matilda has also started "exploring her boundaries" more frequently. She's fiercely independent and it's fantastic and frustrating at the same time. I'm so proud of her fearless attitude and the fact that she is so confident in herself. But as a mother I also want to tear my hair out half the day. You can't yell at her because she'll just dig her heels in more. You can't rationalize with her because she's always right and you're always wrong. You can't bribe her because she has the memory of an elephant and there's no backing out once you promise something (plus it's not like, a good idea). It's becoming obvious that she would do really well in preschool next year and so I'm trying to get that all sorted out. I'm not in love with the idea of paying for it, but I AM in love with the idea of having a break several times a week. That, and I'm confident she would thrive. In the meantime, she's taking her ballet and tap dancing classes with Miss Johanna who is one of her favorite people in the world. A couple of weeks ago she had her first REAL ballet recital and it was incredible. Not only did she make it ONTO the stage, but she performed! I'll post about it once I have the pictures from that night. I'll just say that it was ridiculously adorable.
I'm just a few days away from being full-term and it's killing me. There's no reason to rehash how awful being 9 months pregnant is, especially when you already have 2 kids. But I will say that I dream of going into labor at 37 weeks... I know, I know, the longer the better... but C'MON! Scott is on a not-as-insane schedule this month, which is nice. He (finally!) got a new bike and it's been nice to send him off on long rides. He comes back relaxed and it gets Matilda excited to go ride her bike. I'm hoping that next spring I can get a bike and a trailer so that we can do family rides. It's been forever since we both had bikes and I really miss those times. I love that Toledo is completely surrounded by rural areas - you can be riding past farms in about 10 minutes, which is gorgeous once everything starts to grow. Wyatt is also VERY active, much more than Matilda and Bruce ever were at this stage. My doctor also commented on that too. Normally babies aren't moving this much at this stage because there's just not enough room. But I guess Wyatt took that as a challenge and so it's pretty common to see his elbow pushing hard on my stomach. The other night Scott was sitting next to me on the couch and for a good 20 minutes Wyatt just kicked the side he was sitting on. Eventually, Scott moved because he couldn't concentrate on his reading. Other than that, everything is checking out perfect and we're looking forward to June 6th!!!
Friday, May 10
Friday, March 29
Thoughts on Easter
This post is about Easter and a bunch of rambling thoughts on what this season means to me. I'm not one for publicly discussing some of these very personal thoughts and feelings, but after much debate I've decided that I want to have an actual written record of how I feel and why I feel this way. So read on if you'd like, but this is mostly for myself and (with any luck) my kids one day. I'm going to apologize (again) for my lack of eloquence and poor writing skills because all of these feelings are beautiful and powerful and I get frustrated that I don't have the ability to really bring out just how important they are to me. But I love the Easter Season and I want to put that out there because I don't think many people know just how much I internalize this time of year and this momentous event.
Christmas always seems to get a lot more attention and hype because, c'mon, it's Christmas! Scott is all about Christmas in our house (obviously), but when I think about my favorite "religious traditions" and beliefs they all center around Easter. And for me, Easter begins with Lent. This year I dropped the ball, but for the past 6 years I've always found something to give up for Lent. I am not Catholic and we don't celebrate the Lenten season in the LDS Church. But I've kind of adopted it for myself because I love the idea of a long, protracted experience of sacrificing something I love, use, or do every year as a way to remind myself of Christ. Some years it's been something personal and intimate, other times it's been more of an outward experience and it's completely changed some part of my life. For example, I used to be a *total* celebrity gossip junkie. I read it ALL and was a major consumer - and it felt kind of pathetic to say to myself, "I'm giving up Perez Hilton, TMZ, Radar Online, etc." And you know what? IT WAS REALLY HARD! In fact, it was *much harder* than it should have been. By the time Easter rolled around, though, I noticed a slight change in the way I was looking and thinking about myself. Getting rid of the constant comparisons was having a real effect on me and I was surprised to realize just how much I internalized those messages. In the 3 years since I stopped, I think I've looked twice at a gossip site and both times I was happy to see just how much I didn't care and I never bothered to even click on the stories. Again, this is something small and maybe insignificant, but it was amazing how much it really meant to me.
Maybe the reason I'm so cognizant of this season is because our church doesn't celebrate Lent, Palm Sunday, Holy Week, or Good Friday. I love how Christ-centered all of these experiences are and how they focus completely on Jesus. Since I have to actively think about observing these dates, they tend to stick out in my mind. Do I attend services at another church on these days? No. But do I make a point of reading about why these dates are celebrated and what form of worship takes place on them? Absolutely. I wonder if it's because I look at the life of Christ and at the completion of the Easter narrative I see the greatest happy ending of all time - that Christ is risen and he lives. Yes, there is so much pain and suffering, but there's an equal amount of joy and love. When I think about Easter I just want to shout, "YES! CHRIST LOVES ME TOO!" and my heart is tight in my chest and I feel like it might explode because I feel that love and that joy and I want to let it all out and show my kids just how much those feelings permeate my soul.
I love the hope that Easter brings - I love that it's on the cusp of spring this year and that it coincides with the blooming of my crocuses and the slowly greening world. There's also a promise of More - that there's more to come in this life and after - that there's more TO life than the day to day drudgery that I sometimes feel - that there's MORE that I don't understand but can and will understand one day. I love that this year I'm thinking these thoughts and I keep getting distracted by Wyatt's strong (and constant) kicking. And instead of thinking about how uncomfortable it is or how much I want him to fall asleep, I can't help but be excited for LIFE. For his life, for my children's lives, for MY life. All of this joy, happiness and hope comes from the love that God has for me and for the proof of that love, given by his Son.
My heart is full right now and I feel peace. I know that God loves me and I feel His joy in my life right now. Regardless of what else is happening in my life right now, I know that there is hope and love in my future. And for that, I am forever thankful.
***
Christmas always seems to get a lot more attention and hype because, c'mon, it's Christmas! Scott is all about Christmas in our house (obviously), but when I think about my favorite "religious traditions" and beliefs they all center around Easter. And for me, Easter begins with Lent. This year I dropped the ball, but for the past 6 years I've always found something to give up for Lent. I am not Catholic and we don't celebrate the Lenten season in the LDS Church. But I've kind of adopted it for myself because I love the idea of a long, protracted experience of sacrificing something I love, use, or do every year as a way to remind myself of Christ. Some years it's been something personal and intimate, other times it's been more of an outward experience and it's completely changed some part of my life. For example, I used to be a *total* celebrity gossip junkie. I read it ALL and was a major consumer - and it felt kind of pathetic to say to myself, "I'm giving up Perez Hilton, TMZ, Radar Online, etc." And you know what? IT WAS REALLY HARD! In fact, it was *much harder* than it should have been. By the time Easter rolled around, though, I noticed a slight change in the way I was looking and thinking about myself. Getting rid of the constant comparisons was having a real effect on me and I was surprised to realize just how much I internalized those messages. In the 3 years since I stopped, I think I've looked twice at a gossip site and both times I was happy to see just how much I didn't care and I never bothered to even click on the stories. Again, this is something small and maybe insignificant, but it was amazing how much it really meant to me.
Maybe the reason I'm so cognizant of this season is because our church doesn't celebrate Lent, Palm Sunday, Holy Week, or Good Friday. I love how Christ-centered all of these experiences are and how they focus completely on Jesus. Since I have to actively think about observing these dates, they tend to stick out in my mind. Do I attend services at another church on these days? No. But do I make a point of reading about why these dates are celebrated and what form of worship takes place on them? Absolutely. I wonder if it's because I look at the life of Christ and at the completion of the Easter narrative I see the greatest happy ending of all time - that Christ is risen and he lives. Yes, there is so much pain and suffering, but there's an equal amount of joy and love. When I think about Easter I just want to shout, "YES! CHRIST LOVES ME TOO!" and my heart is tight in my chest and I feel like it might explode because I feel that love and that joy and I want to let it all out and show my kids just how much those feelings permeate my soul.
I love the hope that Easter brings - I love that it's on the cusp of spring this year and that it coincides with the blooming of my crocuses and the slowly greening world. There's also a promise of More - that there's more to come in this life and after - that there's more TO life than the day to day drudgery that I sometimes feel - that there's MORE that I don't understand but can and will understand one day. I love that this year I'm thinking these thoughts and I keep getting distracted by Wyatt's strong (and constant) kicking. And instead of thinking about how uncomfortable it is or how much I want him to fall asleep, I can't help but be excited for LIFE. For his life, for my children's lives, for MY life. All of this joy, happiness and hope comes from the love that God has for me and for the proof of that love, given by his Son.
My heart is full right now and I feel peace. I know that God loves me and I feel His joy in my life right now. Regardless of what else is happening in my life right now, I know that there is hope and love in my future. And for that, I am forever thankful.
The Croup
I feel like I was starting to get on another roll here. We successfully made it through our month of night float, the kids were doing great, my severe SI joint issues started to get under control and everyone was back onto a schedule again. And then, 3? 4? Sundays ago, after church, the Primary teacher came up and laughingly told me that during Singing Time, Matilda had laid down on the floor and promptly fallen asleep. She was her normal, happy, energetic self and then she just *crashed*. They had even taken down all of the chairs and she STILL hadn't woken up. So, I went and picked her up and carried her out to the car. She was groggy, but otherwise completely normal looking. That night, when I went in at 12:15 am (my FAVORITE time of the day) to put her on the toilet, I heard a few wheezy coughs. But wheezy is fine. Not great, but Scott had just gotten over a cold so it could easily have been that. By the next morning, the cough was much more pronounced and frequent but we had no fever. I hemmed and hawed, but by 10 am I was on the phone with the pediatrician (who I *love*) and was setting up an appointment. 3 hours later we have a fever and the cough has transformed completely and is suddenly barky. Our doctor walked in, heard the cough, and knew immediately it was Croup. Frick.
Matilda has been sick with a non-cold illness exactly one other time. When she was 18 months old she got Croup and if you've had it in your house you know that it was hell. This time would be no exception. And to make things even more frustrating, I'm pregnant and have no immune system AND there's a second kid in the picture. Thank goodness Scott was working a weird schedule that first week or else he might have gotten it too (notice how I put the positive spin on his absence?). In 2 days I was down for the count. Mostly I just sounded like I was dying, but I was definitely much sicker back in January. We managed to get through the entire week with just me and Matilda sick. Just as she started to do a little better, Bruce went down for the count. In some ways I wish we could have all just had it in one group and gotten it over with, but the staggered timeline meant that I was actually able to concentrate on the sick kid. Sure, I didn't sleep for almost 3 weeks, but that's life.
And did I mention that one night, when Scott was on call at the hospital I realized I was out of popsicles AND there were no chocolate chips in the house, preventing my kids from sleeping and me from eating the yummy cookies I so desperately craved? Well, it turns out that there are Good People in this world. Good people who will doorbell ditch popsicles and Nestle chocolate chips onto your doorstep. I may or may not have cried when I ate my cookies.
Croup is one of those frustrating beasts because even though you get past the "sick" part, it still takes a long time for recovery. Those coughs just take FOREVER to go away and as much as I wanted to shut it all out, there was no sleeping through a coughing fit. So the beginning of March was not my favorite, nor was the middle. But I'm really hoping this weekend makes up for a sick, crappy month. Fingers crossed!
Matilda has been sick with a non-cold illness exactly one other time. When she was 18 months old she got Croup and if you've had it in your house you know that it was hell. This time would be no exception. And to make things even more frustrating, I'm pregnant and have no immune system AND there's a second kid in the picture. Thank goodness Scott was working a weird schedule that first week or else he might have gotten it too (notice how I put the positive spin on his absence?). In 2 days I was down for the count. Mostly I just sounded like I was dying, but I was definitely much sicker back in January. We managed to get through the entire week with just me and Matilda sick. Just as she started to do a little better, Bruce went down for the count. In some ways I wish we could have all just had it in one group and gotten it over with, but the staggered timeline meant that I was actually able to concentrate on the sick kid. Sure, I didn't sleep for almost 3 weeks, but that's life.
And did I mention that one night, when Scott was on call at the hospital I realized I was out of popsicles AND there were no chocolate chips in the house, preventing my kids from sleeping and me from eating the yummy cookies I so desperately craved? Well, it turns out that there are Good People in this world. Good people who will doorbell ditch popsicles and Nestle chocolate chips onto your doorstep. I may or may not have cried when I ate my cookies.
Croup is one of those frustrating beasts because even though you get past the "sick" part, it still takes a long time for recovery. Those coughs just take FOREVER to go away and as much as I wanted to shut it all out, there was no sleeping through a coughing fit. So the beginning of March was not my favorite, nor was the middle. But I'm really hoping this weekend makes up for a sick, crappy month. Fingers crossed!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)